|“||You're gonna make it out there! I know you're not meant to live in the wild, but it's either this or the cage.||”|
—Paige to Hawk the Owl
Against Frankie's advice, Paige decides to free Sierra High's mascot, Hawk the Owl, while at Vuuugle, Dirk and Bernie are pitted against Amelia and Alisha Marie by the devious machinations of Patrick.
Paige and Frankie are showing another episode of Bizaardvark at Vuuugle, introducing a new video called "The Worst Lullaby Ever," and users soon find out why that name is appropriate. Paige plays a mother putting her baby daughter (Frankie) to sleep in her crib, and she decides to sing a lullaby to her. It starts off as a sweet ballad, as one would expect, but by the second verse, evolves into a bit of alternative folk music with a bit too much of an edge, suddenly jumping straight up into heavy metal, then takes a right turn with backup singers from the Main Street Gospel Choir. Just before the finale, a junior high school marching band joins in, and the song finally ends with the baby's bedroom raining with confetti and even a traditional oriental gong. As Paige leaves with all the musicians, the look on Baby Francesca's face indicates she won't be getting much sleep that night.
After the theme song, the scene changes to the Sierra High School Gym, where a pep rally is being held. During the Rally, Principal Karen tries to get the crowd excited, and one of the ways she does so is by bringing the school mascot on stage, which happens to be an owl in a big cage named "Hawk." The two Bizaardvark girls (Frankie more loudly), asks why they have an owl named "Hawk" for a mascot, and Principal Karen explains that real hawks are much harder to tame. Paige is bothered by the fact that this owl spends so much time caged up for the amusement of humans, and Frankie knows that her friend wants to take drastic action in order to set the owl free, a plot she wants no involvement in. Returning to her bedroom after school (as well as the next scene), Frankie finds out that Paige has brought the cage containing Hawk the Owl, and intends to set him free. Frankie reiterates that she's against the idea, and wants no part in Paige's scheme.
Meanwhile at the Vuuugle Studio lobby, Amelia invites Alisha Marie to join her webcast. A previous webcast shot by Marie herself involved the notion that Aloe Vera was the solution to everything. Simultaneously, Dirk is making his own webcast being shot by Bernie, who announces he's taking a break from doing dares to babysit a little boy named "Patrick," who is a younger brother of a friend of his. Amelia and Alisha approach them, and Alisha squeezes some aloe vera cream onto his sandwich. Just then, Patrick barges in seeking the company of Dirk. Bernie introduces himself, and is convinced that all kids love him, until Bernie kicks him in the shins and runs away.
Later at the Dare Lair, Patrick begins smashing random items, then runs into Amelia's studio. Amelia and her guest struggle to keep him from destroying their latest DIY project, a shower chandelier. This chandelier is a bejeweled bracket that can be hung onto a shower head and used to dispense shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer and similar items. Dirk manages to drag Patrick away, and Bernie tries to help as best as he can. Patrick insists that he's actually an undercover agent for the CIA, and that Amelia and Alisha's shower chandelier has the potential to be used as an instant condiment dispenser by America's enemies. Regardless of how ridiculously far-fetched his claims are, Bernie and Dirk agree to believe him.
Back in Frankie's room, Paige prepares to set Hawk free, making a grandiose speech and adding dramatic background music. Just then, Frankie walks in to stop her. Frankie tries to convince Paige to return Hawk to school, knowing that animals raised in captivity can't fend for themselves in the wild. Later that night, they try to bring it some food. Frankie brings over a glass casserole of live white mice, while Paige offers a glass bowl of kale as an alternative, hoping the owl will be a vegetarian. Both girls leave their bowls in front of the owl to see which one it will eat first, and leave the room. A cut to a later scene reveals that the bowl of mice is empty, and Paige tries to convince herself they all left the room rather than fact the fact that the owl ate them all. At some point around their bedtime, Paige sleeps over while Frankie turns in her bed only to be terrified by the owl who stand above seemingly staring directly at her.
With the false promise of a dare to send her nail polish, Dirk convinces Amelia and Alisha to enter the Dare Lair. Dirk and Bernie act like government agents and reveal their ruse, as well as Patrick's absurd story about the shower chandelier being a tool for enemy condiment dispensing, and Amelia's reaction is exactly that of Bernie's before he decided to fall for it. Amelia on the other hand knows that Patrick is manipulating the two boys. Just then Alisha tries to open the door to the Dare Lair and finds out the brat locked them all in the room.
The next day, Principal Karen walks through the halls of Sierra High with a banner above the stairs celebrating Hawk's freedom, praising the anonymous student responsible for setting it free. Frankie reveals that Paige was the girl who did so, and the students and principal all chant her name in celebration. The scene at school turns out to be a dream from Paige, and Frankie successfully convinces her that the dream will never happen. On the real next day at Sierra High, Principal Karen is determined to find Hawk, and assigns two other teachers to assist her in the search while firing a third. Just then Paige and Frankie who are being summoned to her office. Karen reveals the fact that Hawk had been kidnapped, and urges the two girls to assist her in the search. She also reveals that she is one of a select group of people certified to handle owls, and has an app on her cell phone connected to a GPS tracking device that can help her track the owl. She also tells the girls that kidnapping owls is a federal crime, scaring them into leaving.
Patrick finds the chandelier, but the four Vuuuglers catch up to him, and try to get it from him. Still using the ruse about being a CIA agent, he continues to coerce Dirk and Bernie into letting him take it supposedly in defense of our troops. Amelia insists it's not a threat at all, and is little more than a fancy and handy shower tool, but the brat manages to persuade the two boys into giving it back to him. Patrick finally smashes the chandelier and screams in his name victoriously before running away.
At the Wong household, the two Bizaardvark girls are now more desperate to find a way to get rid of the owl without getting caught. Just then, Principal Karen knocks on the door, and fortunately does not see the owl in the kitchen. Paige manages to cover up it's cage and drag it upstairs, and Frankie tries to stall her. The principal finally finds Paige seeking to let Hawk loose once again, with very little success. When she explains her motives to the principal, Karen reveals that Hawk only spends time in a cage at pep rallies, and the rest of the time already flies free at a local nature sanctuary. She decides to punish the two girls with a nondescript fine as well as community service, which involves learning how to handle owls... through interpretive dance!
- Olivia Rodrigo as Paige Olvera
- Madison Hu as Frankie Wong
- Jake Paul as Dirk Mann
- DeVore Ledridge as Amelia Duckworth
- Ethan Wacker as Bernie Schotz
- Rachna Khatau as Principal Karen
- Caleb Brown as Patrick
Special Guest Cast
- Alisha Marie as Alisha Marie
- Bizaardvark: The Worst Lullaby Ever
- Bizaardvark Subscribers: 102,231.
- From the production code number, 118, apparently this was a remounted version of an episode meant for the first season, originally entitled "Dr. Wong Doesn't Have Time For Your Sense of Humor." Guest star Alisha Marie confirmed the completion of filming in the summer of 2016, but the episode never materialized on air.
- The Worst Lullaby Ever and the Amelia/Alisha/Dirk/Bernie/Patrick scenes for originally materialized for "Dr. Wong Doesn't Have Time For Your Sense of Humor" except for the Paige and Frankie scenes which were filmed some time during Season 2.
- It was also known during shooting as "Hawk the Owl."
- A casting call was made for a character called "Oren" that ultimately did not appear.
- Caleb Brown appeared as "Josh" in the Stuck in the Middle episode "Stuck with a Boy Genius."
- IRL Alisha Marie has never made a video about Aloe Vera.
- Clues that this episode is out of sequence
- At the beginning of the promo for the episode, Bizaardvark only had 19,718 subscribers, however the episode itself has the tally at 102,231.
- The Hot Chocolate Bar still exists.
- Bernie's voice and appearance are clearly those of Season 1.
- Patrick made Dirk and Bernie believe he was an undercover CIA agent, and that the shower chandelier Alisha and Amelia built, was a threat to national security.
- Amelia and Alisha's shower chandelier was destroyed by Patrick.
- Guest stars Halston Sage and Vic Chao had their scenes cut from this episode.
| To view the Hawkward gallery, click here.